Daily Maverick has a friend who has a friend whose cousin works as a chambermaid in a very fancy hotel in Hamburg. As she was tidying up the bedroom suite occupied by Ivanka Trump during her recent stay in Hamburg at the G-20 meeting, the maid found a couple of sheets of paper torn from a personal diary and wedged in – accidentally, perhaps – between two chairs in the dressing room.

It seems they came from Ivanka Trump’s personal diary and they may have been removed as being just a bit too indiscreet to be allowed to remain in her diary. Perhaps Trump was worried that they might possibly be subpoenaed in some future investigation; or perhaps she just felt that they had to be rewritten in a somewhat more personally satisfying style for posterity. Regardless, they were quickly copied and emailed to us for our use.

These diary pages seem to start just after the Trump party had arrived in Germany, but before any of the meetings had taken place. We reproduce them as written, complete with those parts where the words are indecipherable. Asterisks indicate those.

Dear Diary:

Wow! This is so exciting, getting to work with daddy at a major international conference. Daddy will be working so hard – he always works so hard for average Americans all the time, every day – to convince other world leaders to do the right thing on that stupid climate accord and all those destructive, “unfair” he likes to call them, trade agreements.

He told me he really, really wants to create some real understanding, some friendship, and some warmth – once he meets eye-to-eye with those super important global leaders like Mr Vladimir Putin, Mr Xi Jinping, Ms Theresa May, and a whole bunch of others like Angela Merkel, that Macron fellow, and even that rather dishy Justin Trudeau. Oh, and there’s that guy from Africa, Zuma or something like that, the one with the bald head and that funny giggle. Not totally sure where he’s from, but he must be important – or he wouldn’t be here, would he?

What a shame our children cannot be with us for this event. They could see all the sights in Germany, and we all do a bit of shopping together. I’m sure they would have enjoyed looking at the German toy markets and maybe one of those places that sells those child-sized, electric Mercedes Benzes for the little ones – just like the ones advertised in the Christmas/Chanukkah catalogue from the Neiman-Marcus department store. (Or would daddy criticise us for buying a toy German luxury sedan instead of a Cadillac? He’s been really upset by discovering that while you see BMWs and Mercedes Benzes all over America, you just never see a Cadillac or a Lincoln in Germany. “Not fair”, as he would say.)

Of course Jared is here with me, and he’s doing really important work as he schmoozes with all the movers and shakers behind the scenes. Perhaps this might even be helpful to him as he tries to bring peace to the Middle East – or even, hint, hint, when he decides to run for office on his own. Wouldn’t he make a great senator from New York, instead of that scheming Chuck Schumer? Well, I certainly think he would.

Anyway, this first night we were here, we went to that concert at the fabulous new concert hall in Hamburg. They played a lot of that old Beethoven-type stuff and things like that, but it was wonderful to sit with all the leaders – and with dear Jared and daddy and Melania – and to have a chance to wear that really wonderful red and black dress with the shoulder straps – a little racy, maybe, but it was summer and time to party and to strut our stuff, right?

I didn’t have much time to speak in-depth with the attending heads of state about some of my favourite topics – women’s empowerment and self-actualisation – but it was fun to see all the dignitaries make a fuss over us anyway. This kind of event just shows how a young person can make a splash in the world and make a real contribution – if they work hard enough.

I packed lots and lots of outfits for this trip so I have the right choices, and tonight I am staying up late thinking about what I will wear tomorrow at the actual meetings. Really want to make a great impression on everybody and for the photographers from around the world! Such fun! And just after we landed, I even had a chance to send off a tweet that said, “We’ve landed in Germany and are looking forward to productive discussions at the G20 Hamburg Summit!” Isn’t that great? ***

Dear Diary:

I should have mentioned that the Secret Service gave us all a briefing about “the do’s and don’ts” for this big meeting. I am not worried about anything because they take really good care of us whenever and wherever we travel outside of the White House, although I am concerned for daddy because of those nasty rioters downtown who are eager to ruin his visit to Germany. Where do those people come from?

Don’t they know that daddy is trying his best to bring honest, hardworking government to help people solve their problems, and to drain that swamp in Washington so that decent people can live their lives properly? And that he wants to rid the planet of the possibility of a big war started by that little fat man with the funny hairstyle and his bombs and missiles up there in North Korea? And that daddy also wants American coal miners to get their jobs back after everything that Obama man did to America?

And that it is time for daddy and Uncle Vladimir, I mean, President Putin to sort out our two countries’ differences so that we can have real progress in the world? Maybe I should go talk with them in downtown Hamburg? (I know, Dear Diary, the Secret Service won’t let me, but let me ask Jared what he thinks we should do about all this. The television images look so terrible, and what a black mark it is for Germany to allow such rioting. And it is so sad about all those police being hurt too. This whole mess threatens to be more newsworthy than daddy’s very important meetings and speeches, at least that will be the case if you read the fake news and watch all those fake news broadcasts on all those fake news television networks. Thank G-d that our hotel televisions get Fox News TV broadcasts – daddy would be apoplectic if he couldn’t watch “his” news channel. )

Anyway, now it is time to sleep because we have a really big, big day on Friday. There will be lots of people to meet and things to talk about with them. This is world changing stuff. Really. But, before I go to bed I must decide what I will wear so that it doesn’t compete with Melania’s choices but still catches the cameras….

Dear Diary:

It’s really time to get ready to go to the conference center for this G-20 meeting. Daddy really has a full day ahead – I hope he’s gotten a good night’s sleep because it will be a very busy day for him. And I hope they don’t bother him with too many advance briefings, filling his head with all that boring detail and stuff. He’s so used to having other people worry about all those small, silly details. Here in Hamburg, he really needs to be able to trust his instincts – and go with his feelings. Maybe I can help him just a bit, especially since I am a special adviser to the president. I’ll be sure to give him an extra-special smile after breakfast and a quick squeeze of his hand.

I have selected a lovely green jumpsuit by Gabriella Hearst, and a light pink chiffony kind of dress for some of the meetings. I know Hearst is originally from Uruguay and that she’s selling her frocks to help support Planned Parenthood (that’s one of those troublesome, problem programmes daddy is trying to rein in) so I won’t tell daddy who designed that suit. But, it was a steal at $2,000 – and I look great in it. Everyone says so. Jared says so every time I wear it, and he said it again this morning (!!!!) when I put it on and we could hold hands on the way to the meetings. The photographers loved seeing that. Their shutters sounded like a whole field of loud, crazy insects, clicking and clicking.

Dear diary, Jared and I have been married for eight years already. That is amazing. Our growing family has now given daddy such nachas. That’s one of those Yiddish words I learned from Jared and his family. It means the special feeling of contentment a family’s accomplishments give a parent or grandparent.

Anyway, off we went to the meeting. There were many people there and there was lots of stuff taking place in smaller conference rooms all over the building. There were meetings about really esoteric things about trade issues such as how the Chinese keep stealing American, European and other people’s jobs, what with their cheap steel; about how that silly Paris Climate Accord should be supported even if it means Americans will lose their jobs digging coal. (Ugh, who really wants to dig coal, but daddy says it is important for the country so I will accept his judgement on this.) And there is a meeting about how something about Africa will be important to people there.

Dear diary – I simply must tell you what happened next. Daddy had to break away from the main meeting and he asked me to step in for him and sit down with all the other global leaders at the big square table. What an absolute honor that was. The meeting was about money for African development or something like that, and although I didn’t get to speak very much about my feelings on women’s empowerment and self-actualisation like I did in my new book, still, to be at the main table with people like Mr Putin, Mr Xi, Ms Merkel, and all the rest of them; wow, that was so exciting. I am just sad Jared couldn’t be there right next to me, and that our children couldn’t see it happen live. It is something I will remember for a long, long time. And I must post some of the photographs on my Twitter feed, on Instagram, and on my Facebook page too. Maybe save some of the best images for when I return to private life.

By the time things wrapped up, I was starting to think about the gifts we had to buy for our children – we’ve been so busy we really didn’t have time to do a proper shopping expedition. Besides, all those demonstrators messed up the downtown so much that a trip there became out of the question. Maybe the embassy staff can find something really special for us – but they’ll have to hurry. They have to make up for the fact that they bungled the hotel arrangements for daddy and us – that really made daddy angry. His own office, the Trump Organisation, would never have done that to him! (Will he say, “You’re fired!”? 😉 😉 )

After all the excitement of this visit, I started to think about what I could do to say thank you to Angela Merkel for everything she did for us, even if she did use the world “deplorable” to describe daddy’s feelings about that Paris climate thingee. She was very nice to me at that women’s summit a few months ago.

And then I thought of something that Melania and I could do together. We could quietly and gently offer Ms. Merkel some help with her fashions. She always looks so stern and severe. Perhaps we could help her find things that are just a bit softer – maybe a bow or two? – while still being formal and official looking, since Angela Merkel must work in what is still a man’s world of politics. Now, to figure out how to make the offer without offering offense or embarrassment to her and creating an international incident….***** DM

Full disclosure: While we believe this material is accurate, it could, of course, be a total spoof designed to embarrass us and make us look like part of that vast MSM fake news conspiracy.

Photo: Ivanka Trump (C), daughter and personal adviser of US President Donald J. Trump, and Christine Lagarde (R), managing director of the International Monetary Fund (IMF), watch UN Secretary General Antonio Guterres (L) gesturing as they speak ahead of the the launch event of the ‘Women’s Entrepreneurship Facility’ within the second day of the G20 summit in Hamburg, Germany, 08 July 2017. The G20 Summit (or G-20 or Group of Twenty) is an international forum for governments from 20 major economies. The summit is taking place in Hamburg 07 to 08 July 2017. EPA/MICHAEL UKAS / POOL